Why Did You Tell Me?

I'm 23 years old now, and the last 20 years have been fairly traumatic. It seems odd that something a person does when they're 3-years-old can stick with them for their entire life (so far), but that's been the case with me.

Think hard, back to when you were 3. Can you remember much? Anything? Fragments of events? That's pretty much how it is with me too. Even that thing I did when I was three isn't a crystal clear memory, although I'm not entirely certain my life would be any better or worse if it was.

Mom and dad gave me a kid brother when I was 2. As best I can remember, he was a cute kid. I'll cut right to the chase because this is very hard for me to write, but my therapist said it could be beneficial to share this.

A little after I turned 3, which made him around 5 months old, I decided I would share my grapes with him. To hear it from my parents, I was just being nice, sharing my grapes, and was far too young to know he couldn't eat them.

The question I keep asking my my parents is, "Why did you tell me?" I really don't remember, and I could have lived out all my days without knowing I caused my little brother to choke to death, and now it's something I can't "un" know, you know? They could have just told me SIDS took him and no one knows why.

No one will ever be able to tell me they were just kidding, that I really didn't do such a horrible thing. Seriously mom and dad, why did you tell me?